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Cats
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.... Half-Fare Special
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"... A Skydiving lesson
During class, a skydiving instructor takes time to answer questions from the first-time students.
One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and answered in a straightforward voice, "The rest of your life."... His military etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!... Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will keep them for five more years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.... You looked a lot like my wife
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."... 1. Whats the difference between Heaven and Hell?...
1. Whats the difference between Heaven and Hell?
In Heaven…
the French are the cooks
the Germans are the engineers
the British are the police
the Swiss are the managers
the Italians are the lovers
In Hell…
the British are the cooks
the French are the managers
the Italians are the engineers
the Germans are the police
the Swiss are the lovers
2. Why shouldn't you put the letter “M” into the refrigerator?
Because it turns ice into mice!
3. If you took 3 apples from a basket that held...
What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?...
52) What is black when it is clean and white when it is dirty? (A blackboard)
53) Why are grandpa's false teeth like stars? (They come out at night.)
54) What word is pronounced wrong, even by the best of scholars? (The word: wrong)
55) What will make more noise in your house than a dog? (Two dogs)
56) What are two things people never eat before breakfast? (Lunch and supper)
57) Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window? (He wanted to see the waterfall.)...
What part of the body has the most rhythm?...
1) What part of the body has the most rhythm? (The eardrums)
2) A farmer combined 2 compost heaps with 3 others. How many compost heaps does he have? (One)
3) Who succeeded the first Prime Minister of Australia ? (The second)
4) Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery in London? (Because he was dead)
5) What odd number becomes even when beheaded?(Seven...(s/even))
6) Why is the letter E like London? (Because E is the capital of England)
7) What lives on its own substance and dies when...
What key does not lock the door?...
1. What key does not lock the door?
2. Where does June come before May?
3. What is the best place to put the cake in?
4. Why is the letter A like twelve o'clock?
5. What is the difference between a soldier and a young girl?
6. Which can you keep after giving it to your friend?
7. What is it that was tomorrow and will be yesterday?
8. What comes twice in a moment, once in a minute and never in a hundred years?
9. What is it...
How do you count a herd of cattle?...
1. If you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have?
=>3!
2. How do you count a herd of cattle?
=>With a cowculator.
3. Why are Saturday and Sunday strong days?
=>Because their horns don't work!
4. Why do we have two eyes, two ears and only one mouth?
=>Because their horns don't work!
5. What animal can jump higher than a house?
=>Because their horns don't work!
6. Why shouldn't you put the letter "M"...
Which month has 28 days?
1.Which month has 28 days? (Tháng nào có 28 ngày)
All of them!
2. Why did the boy bury his flashlight? (Tại sao đứa bé chôn cái đèn pin)
Because the batteries were dead.
3. There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? (Có 5 con chim trên cây. Người thợ săn bắn 2 con chết. Hỏi có bao nhiêu con chim ở lại)
2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
4. If a man was born in Italy,...
What key does not lock the door?...
1. What key does not lock the door?
2. Where does June come before May?
3. What is the best place to put the cake in?
4. Why is the letter A like twelve o'clock?
5. What is the difference between a soldier and a young girl?
6. Which can you keep after giving it to your friend?
7. What is it that was tomorrow and will be yesterday?
8. What comes twice in a moment, once in a minute and never in a hundred years?
9. What is it... 
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